Pushpa, my elder sister, was born on 17 May 1946, fifteen months before India became independent. I always called her Jiji, and never by first name. She was the third of the six siblings, and like all of them; she too was delivered at home that my father rented in Marwari Mohalla, Wardha.
Education
| Class | School | Medium |
|---|---|---|
| 1-4 | Sarkari Madhyamik Shala, Wardha | Marathi |
| 5-7 | Kesarimal Kanya Shala, Wardha | Marathi |
| 8-11 | Craddock High School, Wardha | Marathi |
| BA | Yashwant Arts College, Wardha | Marathi |
Schools
There was no kindergarten school or playing school those days. When kids turned six, their age was assessed by asking them to raise the hand above the head, bend their elbow, and touch the opposite ear. Jiji passed this test and entered Sarkari Madhyamik Shala, near Panchsheel stores in the Wardha Market area. Then she moved to Kesrimal Kanya Shala, a school which would turn into her home in 1968. When she was in eighth standard, Bhaiji heard that the Craddock high school was ranked very high. So, he put her to this school. This school was named after Sir Reginald Henry Craddock, the British Chief Commissioner of Nagpur and wardha in 1907. Interestingly, her entire education was in Marathi medium, the reason why she speaks fluent Marathi even today.
Among her friends in the school and college were Vina Shah (daughter of Principal Shah, Commerce College, Wardha), Khedkar, and Mrs Charkha. Her schoolmates, Vibha Apte and Malti Ganu opted for science and subsequently became doctors.
Ashok was two years older than Jiji. Yet, they shared the tenth standard. “I seemed to have done very bad in my Physics paper in the tenth board exam,” she told me. “I kept on crying after I wrote my paper. Mr Rathi was the teacher then. He consoled me that I would make it up because I had done so well in practicals. When the results were announced, I got through but Ashok, who, as always, sounded so confident, failed!”
She too wanted to take science courses in college. Professor Ram Krishna Vora, who taught Commerce at the local Commerce College and was family’s friend, philosopher and guide told Bhaiji that by opting science she might want to become a doctor. “If she does so, you won’t be able to marry her off for 6-7 years. And you won’t be able to find a suitable match for her in the Marwadi community, he warned Bhaiji. “I am not prepared to wait so long,” my father replied. “I want to marry off my daughter in the next 2 to 3 years,” he added. After All, Badibai, her elder sister, had married at age 18. It would have been interesting to see the turn of events if she had insisted for Arts. But those were the days, when a decision as important as choosing a subject needed the approval of parents. Children toed their parent’s wishes. Pushpa, given Bhaiji’s strong nature, was afraid of voicing her wish, let alone deliberate on it. Thus, Pushpa left Science and took Arts.
In 1963, Yashwant college was located in Ram Nagar. We used to live in the Bachhraj Press, near the Railway station, then. Jiji used to walk to her college. In 1965, the college was relocated to Gandhi square, near Collector’s office, Sevagram road. Jiji would join Mrs. Charkha and they would walk together to the college. Mrs Charkha had studied upto eighth standard at the time of her marriage and cleared tenth standard after marriage and had a child when she went to the college. She would drape a pallu on her head as she would walk to college and would attend all classes with her pallu on. Later on she went on to become president of the local Nagar Parishad.
Married to Shri Tarachandji Chandak on 11 May 1965, after marriage, she stayed back for a year and took her BA final from Wardha. Jijaji had no job until November 1965, when he found a job with Toshniwal brothers and went to Madras. Jiji used to frequently go to her Sasural at Sirri and Seloo, and could not find enough time to study. She failed to clear the final BA exam. She took her last paper on 30 April 1965, and a week later, Mamta, her first daughter, was born at Bachhraj Press home.
Sports
During her school days, Jiji was an active sportswoman. She had loads of energy and loved to play sports at Cradock High School. She excelled in Kho Kho, Langdi, Laghori, 4*400 meters relay, and Fugdi and came first in several of these activities. Even marriage failed to fade away her interest in sports. Once her father-in-law casually dropped in the Bachhraj Press home. Bai had to hurriedly send a servant to hide Jiji who was playing Gulli Danda with her brothers. “What impression would she create on her in-laws if they discover their Bahu playing outdoor games,” my mother thought. A perfect actor, Jiji sneaked into the home, backdoor, and pretended she was busy doing household chores!
At age 12, she tried to learn cycling. One day, she fell off the cycle and bruised her elbow and knee. The injury made her afraid of getting injured again. She feared cycling on the streets. Nobody at home encouraged her to keep trying. She gave up cycling! She never rode a vehicle in her life- neither a two-wheeler, nor a four-wheeler.
In Kagaznagar, in the late seventies, she reached the final round of the Rummy championship. Highly skilled in handling spades, clubs, hearts and diamonds, she would surprise the players by her approach to the game. When Mr Lakhotia, the Hyderabad-based president of the company heard this, he invited her to play cards at the company’s club. She politely refused.
Adolescence
She learnt the art of cooking from Bai. Bhaiji was very keen that Asha- she had reached a marriageable age then- should know how to cook, but Asha had little interest in cooking. Pushpa picked up the skills in much the same way as a duck would take to water. Wherever Bhaiji would arrive home from his office, Bai would ask Asha to quickly come to the kitchen and start rolling the chapatis! ” I was the first to introduce Idli, Sambhar, Dosa and Dhokla at Wardha and specialised in making Kadhi, Dahi Vada and Pooran Poli. As early as in fourth standard, she knew how to make Khichdi Kadhi. “Whenever I came, bai would ask me to make tea for Bhaiji– he simply loved my tea!” she said.
Bai was very fond of Hindi movies and would often send Asha to buy tickets. Those days ticket counters used to be very crowded and Asha would often return home victoriously, with her glass bangles broken in the mad rush. Then, Bai, Asha and Pushpa would go to see a movie. In 1963, she was studying BA Part One, Badibai and she came back home watching Pyar Kiya To Darna Kya, a 1963- movie starring Shammi Kapoor and B. Saroja Devi. Bhaiji, waiting in the verandah, asked her the name of the movie. Knowing well Bhaiji’s strict nature, she got tongue-tied and broke into a sweat. She couldn’t risk telling him which movie she went to.
Pushpa loved make ups. She grew up in an age when Sadhana, Waheeda Rehman, Meena Kumari, Vyjayanthimala, Tanuja, Sharmila Tagore, Saira Banu, Mumtaz and Asha Parekh were popular Hindi actresses. Every girl those days aspired to have Sadhana-like pretty eyes. She too would liberally apply winged eye liner. Her make up would also include a ponytail. “So often, Bhaiji would keep on looking at me, telling Bai how beautiful I looked. And I would run away from the room.” She adored and revered Bhaiji. She held him in awe. And the father would shower on her a bit extra love whenever they met.
Jiji also tried to learn Sitar from a musician near Nirmal bakery during BA first year. Her friend had taken this tuition. She dropped the idea after a month.
Marriage
Mr Lohiya, a cotton broker at Wardha would frequently see my father. He told Mr Damodardas Rathi, Seloo that he had found a suitable girl for his sister’s son, Tarachand Chandak. Mr Rathi and Chhaganlal Chandak saw her in Wardha. In the next round as many as 11 people from Seloo, Amravati and Sirri (Chhaganlalji Chandak; Ratanlalji Chandak, his brother; Damodardasji Rathi; Datey Guruji, Makrande Sir Seloo and others) came to see her. Sirri was a small village with just a little over thousand people populating it, about 100 km north of Wardha and an hour-drive from Talegaon in Wardha district. Later, the village was submerged, along with 24 villages in Wardha and Amravati districts in the Upper Wardha dam. They approved her and the marriage was fixed. Until then Tarachandji had not seen her. His friend, Hiralal Maliye happened to see her and mistook her for Gita, Mr Kunjilal Jajodia’s daughter. As Hiralal Maliye described Gita’s features- fat and short- to Tarachandji, he was shocked. Sure enough, he was aspiring for a beautiful bride. Not willing to take any chance, he decided to check on her. He got to know from Hiralal Maliye that Pushpa and Mrs Charkha went daily to Yeshwant Arts College, walking. True to Hindi film style, he waited at the roadside, behind a tree on Ramnagar Road and had her first glimpses there. Next, he came home and had a formal introduction with a girl who would marry him in the summer of 1965.
Jijaji had another proposal then. A very wealthy girl from Akot- her parents had offered gold, cash and a petrol pump to Chhagnlalji- was waiting for him. Both Chhagnlalji and Mamaji kept on insisting that Jijaji marries that girl. Dadiji, however, genuinely liked Jiji. ” I would offer Rs 5 pedhas if Tarachand marries Pushpa,” she said in her prayer. Eventually Jijaji said yes to Jiji and the marriage was fixed.
True to filmy style, Jiji and Jijaji also secretly saw a Raj Kapoor- Rajendra Kumar- Vyjayanthimala starrer movie- Sangam in Durga talkies in 1965. This was kept a top secret, for a boy meeting a girl before marriage was taboo in the society.
Very few know that Jiji had also met Jijaji even before the marriage proposal was formally moved. Those days, Bhaiji used to stock and sell Sarki. Damodardasji Rathi, Jijaji’s mamaji from Seloo used to buy Sarki from Bhaiji. Once he sent Tarachandji to get a handful of boras of Sarki. Jiji opened the doors of the godown and promptly sold Sarki to her prospective broom! It was almost Nargis meeting Raj Kapoor in Shri 420!
She was engaged in January 1965. Although unemployed at the time of marriage, Tarachandji was well educated- he had masters in commerce- and had earlier served as a lecturer in Bharat Bharti Vidyalaya, Baitul, a residential school started by the RSS group in 1960. Unable to tolerate the mistakes made by his student in a class, he lost his temper, beat him with a duster and had to leave the college.
The marriage was fixed on 11 May 1965. The auspicious time, the Pandit said, was midnight. My father was not interested in a midnight marriage. Despite his Marwadi upbringing, he didn’t believe in observing rituals or daily puja. “I want the entire world to see the wedding take place,” he said and was able to convince the groom’s father to perform the religious ceremony at 8 am. This was unheard of in Wardha, more so in the Marwadi community. Bhaiji was a tough and strict disciplinarian. The wedding started punctually at 8 am and lasted no longer than 40 minutes. He also got Jankidevi Bajaj (wife of Seth Jamnalal Bajaj) to attend the wedding and made her speak on this occasion. Jiji received 20 tolas of Gold and 5 kg Silver from her parents on the occasion of wedding. the Baraat – mostly from Sirri and Seloo- stayed at Bajaj Electricity home, arrived in the morning and left after the lunch.
In the summer of 1965, Tarachandji, our Jijaji came from Betul to Wardha. Those days, Laxminarayan mandir, Wardha used to stock and lend utensils and bichayat for the weddings. There was a wedding in Seloo, where Jijaji’s Mamaji lived. Jijaji came to Laxminarayan mandir to collect utensils and bichhayat. After an exhausting day in a bus, he was visibly tired, and the scorching sun had deeply tanned his sweaty face. His eyes looked tired; his hair, disheveled; his cloths, dusty and travel-worn. Venkati Waghmare—he used to play percussion instrument in the temple—used to come to our home to milk our cows. He chanced to recognize him. Next morning, before milking our cows, he woke Bai from her sleep and told her, “Your son-law looks quite dark. How did you approve him for Pushpa Bai?” Bai was shocked. She hadn’t seen Jijaji earlier. She began to spend sleepless nights wondering how carelessly and casually did we find a match for Pushpa. She ran into argument with Bhaiji questioning the dark complexion of her son-in-law and Bhaiji kept on defending that their son-in-law was indeed handsome and had a ‘wheatish’ complexion. Almost everyone those days wanted a fair bride and groom, and Bai was no exception. In those days, and even today, fairness of skin was esteemed as a mark of beauty. Not trusting Bhaiji’s assurances, Bai insisted on seeing him. So, Bhaiji took Bai to Seloo in a car. She personally saw Jijaji. Just a glance was enough to convince her that her fears were unfounded. She returned home, satisfied that her daughter shall be marrying a beautiful boy. But she could never regain her sound sleep. “Surely skin colour is not something that you lose sleep over. But that incidence stole my sleep. And try hard as I did, I was never able to fall asleep as effortlessly as I did all my life,” Bai would often say. A person’s skin colour can steal your sleep—Bai learnt this fact the hard way.
Only four years separated Asha from Pushpa. In 1960, when Asha married, Bhaiji was very strict. He wanted her to follow what the society expected from a grown up girl. He would always ensure that she had a pallu on her head whenever she went out. By 1965, when Jiji married, he had considerably softened. Thus, Jiji went to her college with no such restrictions, nor did she follow these customs after her marriage.
Post marriage she went to Sirri, a village bordering Wardha and Amravati districts. Chhagnlalji, her father-in-law lived there. As native tradition would have it, Om came to take her back to her mother’s home after spending a few days in the Sasural. Once, during monsoons, it rained heavily and rivers were overflowing. Jijaji, accompanied by Jiji, Ashok and his Madras friend, took a jeep from Wardha to go to Sirri. Near Yelakeli the jeep miraculously avoided falling in the river. The 100- km journey lasted almost eleven hours. Chhagnlalji, Jijaji’s father, took him to task for risking everyone’s lives and taking such an audacious step.
The father and the daughter
Bhaiji loved Jiji. Not only did he gifted her 20 tolas of gold and 5 kg silver during her marriage, he would make sure that every time she left Wardha, her share of gift would be larger than that of Badibai. When Manoj was a year old, Bhaiji took her to Hiralal Ramprakash and bought a silk sari worth Rs 1700- a big amount those days. He also gave generous sikh, which she insisted in cash, so that it could be spent on children and their education. He asked Tauji to get her wedding set designed and bought from Khamgaon. True to his nature, Tauji submitted the entire travelling bill of his travel to and from Khamgaon, including the amount he spent on smoking Bidis!
When Bhaiji passed away on 18 December 1986, Jijaji was touring. Jiji and Manoj came to Bhopal, and accompanied by Bhopal wale Jijaji they took a GT Express and came to Wardha by 2 pm. And when Bai was no more on 5 December 2005, Jiji was at Nagpur. She quickly took Nagpur Bhusawal passenger and by 9:30 am she was in Wardha. After Archana’s wedding on 3 December 1986, one day Jiji felt very sad. Troubled by never-ending financial problems, she badly wanted to weep on Bhaiji’s lap. Alas, she couldn’t muster enough courage to do so. A week later, Bhaiji left this world.
Jiji keeps on moving every few years
| City | Home Address |
|---|---|
| Nagpur | Bajajnagar Giripeth Rachana Jheels Ambajhari |
| Indore | LIG Colony: LG-5 Royal Diamond, Yeshwant Niwas Road, Sanghi Colony, Yeshwant Colony, Indore. 1984-1992 Khajrana Road ( 2 Year) Khajrana Road Anup Nagar (1996-1998), Manoj’s marriage from this home. Mahak Apartments : 4 years Race Course Road: 1 year Kanchanhar Enclave. Near Recovery Hospital. Janjirwala square. New Palasia 2000-onwards. Purchased at 16 lakhs |
| Year | Place |
|---|---|
| November 1965 | Toshniwal Brothers. Triplicane Road, Madras Jijaji went to Madras in November 1965 and Jiji followed him in August 1966 |
| December 1968 | International Instruments Enterprises Shankarnagar Square, North Ambajhari Road, Dharampeth, Nagpur (1) Ratnaparkhi bungalow (2) Kolhatkar Bungalow |
| May 1976 | Sirsilk Textile Mills Ltd. Kagaznagar. District Adilabad. Telangana |
| May 1980 | Shri Dinesh Mills Ltd. Vadodara |
| May 1982 | Jiyaji Mills Gwalior |
| 1984-1988 | Hukumchand Mills Indore |
| Jijaji serves in the Model Mills Bhandup, Mumbai for a year | |
| Jijaji spends a year in Delhi | |
| 1987-1990 | Jiji starts readymade salwar suits and bedsheets business at Indore. 3 years |
| November 1998 | Service at Mr Govind Daga. Central Cables. 5, Temple Road, Civil Lines, Nagpur Residence at Bajajnagar, Nagpur. Giripeth and Rachana Jheels, Nagpur Partnership with Mr Bhoyar Nagpur |
| 23 May 2000 | Kanchanhar Enclave, Indore |
| 28 January 2010 | Indore |
Madras days
Jijaji went to Chennai in November 1965; Jiji followed him six months later. He used to live in Savkarpeth with his friends. A month before Jiji arrived, he rented a home in Triplicate lane. She knew just two couples, a Punjabi and Jain who would help her dealing with local Tamil speaking vendors and housemaids. She also came in close contact with Kausalya masi, who helped her a great deal, inviting her and Jijaji for evening dinners. Jiji would frequently take a 15-minute journey to reach her home.
In the late sixties, Jiji lived in Triplicane Lane, Madras. Triplicane was known to offer low-cost rentals and affordable cuisines those days. Madras- it was renamed Chennai in 1996- was a city of roughly two million people in the late sixties, a sleepy safe town that came to life early morning when morning prayer songs and bicycle bells began to fill the air. Broad tree lined streets were full of buses, motorbikes, rickshaws, bikes and a few cars- little Fiats and or Ambassadors. Men and women spoke and understood only Tamil, and although Jiji had difficulty buying fruit, vegetables and milk because of language barriers, she loved the city- the air was fresh and clear. Every fortnight, she would go to Marina beach which stretched six miles along the Bay of Bengal. Once, Jijaji was to go on a tour and Nandu babu dropped him to the Madras station. Mamta was a small child then. Jiji realised that jijaji had forgotten to carry an important file with him, without which his tour would be futile. She had overheard from Nandu babu which train Jijaji was to board and what platform number the train would arrive. So, she picked up a taxi, took Mamta in her arms and sped to the platform. Jijaji was at the train door, and Nandu babu was standing on the platform. They were surprised to see Jiji. And when Jiji handed him the file, Nandu babu not only praised her presence of mind and courage, but also said that without the file, Jijaji would have to return back to Madras without getting the work done.
Travelling alone
In December 1967, Jiji was to take the GT express to Madras. Jijaji and Nandu babu were already working there. It was planned that one Mr Naval Chandak, Ratanlal Chandak’s cousin , who used to work in Madras , was to take the same train from Nagpur and Pushpa would join him. Baui and Om had come to the station to drop Jiji. The train arrived but Mr Chandak was nowhere in sight. In fact, he did not board the train from Nagpur station. Bai refused to let Jiji travel alone. She assured her that Om and she should take the next day’s train. Jiji was determined to go alone. So, she entered the train for a 18-hour-long journey, all alone. Om sent a telegram to Jijaji’s office informing him about the train. The office would open at 9am. that day, Jijaji took sick and decided to stay back home; Nandu babu went to the office and read the telegram. ” It is already 9 am and the train must have already arrived at Station. So, there is no point in going to the station to fetch Bhabhiji,” he thought. Jiji took a taxi from the Madras station, with a 1-year-old Mamta in her arms. She had a lot of luggage too. She carried pulses, grains and other things with her and had to pay Rs 26 for the luggage those days. Smart enough to write down taxi driver name and cab number, she went to the office and ran into Nandu babu. He could not believe his eyes. He then accompanied her to drop her to the home, admiring all the while and appreciating the strength of character of his beloved bhabhiji.
Nagpur days
Between December 1969 and May 1976, Jiji lived in Nagpur. First, Jijaji rented a first floor flat in Ratnaparkhi bungalow and later they rented the adjoining Kolhatkar bungalow. Kolhatkar had offered the bungalow for sell at Rs 65,000 but they did not have enough money to take the offer. Shyamlal Bhaisaab would offer no more than 60 000, and the deal didn’t take place. They again shifted back to Ratnaparkhi flat three years later.
It was in this flat, that International Instrument Enterprises, was born. Marketing ran in Chandak blood. Shyamlalji, Jijaji’s elder brother taught Physics at Deepchand Chaudhary Vidyalaya, Seloo. He resigned from the school, went to Madras, spent three months with Jijaji and Nandu Babu to learn how scientific instruments worked and started a new business in Nagpur- that of supplying the science equipment to various schools and colleges. The business soon took roots and flourished. Jijaji would frequently travel to Mumbai to buy equipment and Shyamlalji would round all colleges in Vidarbha to sell them. They soon acquired a telephone and whenever the telephone rang in the office, Jijaji would come running from the bathroom, shouting, “Hello, hello”, much to the amusement of family members.
Several family members and relatives stayed with Jiji those days: her devars– Subhash, Ashok, Om and sister-in-law Gaura bai; a young boy from Seloo, Vinoo Datey, and Jaiprakash babu, Shyamlalji brother-in-law. The home would also have endless visitors, and Jiji acted as the perfect host to them- serving them mouth-watering dishes and looking after their comforts. She warmly welcomed visitors, who almost always dropped by unannounced. Jiji used to be busy all day, serving tea, coffee, snacks and meals to visitors and tidying up. She was always in motion-cooking, cleaning, feeding others, shopping for groceries from the Narayan Kirana Bhandar, making beds and doing all household chores. ” Our Nagpur home was constantly in and out of relatives and guests, almost daily,” Jiji once recalled. The Nagpur household was always noisy, with plenty of laughing, arguing, and shouting.
After the two brothers separated in 1973, another issue cropped up. Ashok Babu and Om babu, Jiji’s devars were in school. Where would they go to? Jiji said that Ashok babu would stay with her and Bansi babu took the responsibility of Om babu. Few months later, when Bansi babu volunteered to keep Ashok Babu with him, Jiji refused saying that had Manoj had an elder brother, would she have not cared for him.
Ashok Babu stayed with Jiji for five years. In the mid-seventies he developed TB. Although financially not very well off, Jiji ensured that he gets the right nutrition by diverting a part of milk for her children to him. When her father-in-law got to know this, he shared very proudly of his Bahu’s commitment.
In 1971, Gaura bai, Jijaji’s sister, married Shri Madanlal Kothari at Nagpur. The two brothers- Shyamlalji and Tarachandji- decided to celebrate her marriage majestically. They ran short of money and asked their father to sell a part of the agricultural land. Chhagnlalji first agreed and when the deal was to be finalised, he refused. They spent heavily on the marriage and had to close the instrument firm to repay the debts. The two brothers also separated.
In 1973, I joined Government Medical College, Nagpur. For the first year, I stayed at Bachhraj Factories, near Nagpur bus stand. A year later, I shifted to a flat that Suhas Jajoo shared with me in Hanuman Nagar and then moved to the boy’s hostel in the medical college. Between 1972 and 1976, I used to go to Jiji most weekends, and among other things, would spend most waking hours playing cards. Once, Jiji, Jijaji, Ashok babu and I played cards, almost non-stop for eighteen hours, suspending the game only for lunch, dinner and evening snacks! Mamta and Manoj were young children then, and they won’t let me go on Monday morning, hiding my cycle keys or sandals and coaxing me to stay longer. The Shankar Nagar Square and the West High Court Road wore a deserted look then and we used to see 7-year-old Manoj, running on the road in the night- with not a vehicle in sight!
Jiji and Jijaji would also come to my Hanuman Nagar flat to wish me best of luck- before the first MBBS exam and also to the hostel whenever exams were due. Sometimes when Jiji was not in Nagpur, Jijaji and I used to cook food, I learnt how to roll perfectly round parathas and chapatis and also the art of making Aam Ka Ras– mango juice.
In 1974, Jiji was living in her Shankarnagar flat. Shyamlalji and Jijaji- the two brothers had separated following their differences in business. Their financial position was not sound. So, Jiji decided to apply for a job in a local school, thinking that she would teach first and second standard. She even went to the school and stopped at the gate wondering how would children would be looked after in her absence. So, she stepped back and came back home. A teacher could have been born that day!
Sirpur Kagaznagar
Jiji lived in the company quarter alongside other staff. Surrounded by culturally vibrant and very friendly neighbours, Jiji rates those days as one of the finest in her life. Their neighbours were Marwadi, Agrawal, Jain, Punjabi, North Indian and South Indian communities. ” When I was pregnant with Tina, Mrs Birla, our neighbour, kept a close watch on my health. Whenever you need to go to the hospital for the delivery, just call me and I shall be there,’ she said. So, when the hospital vehicle came to fetch her to the hospital, the neighbour came on her own and stayed with her, although Jijaji did not call her,” Jiji recalls those days.
Every friday, the entire staff would descend on the club which used to show a movie on a screen. There was only one theater in Kagaznagar, but nobody went to the theatre. The company offered free quarters, electricity, vehicles and several freebies in Kagaznagar.
A group consisting of five women- Chandak, Birla, Kathuria, Sharma and a South Indian woman- used to meet daily between 3 and 5 pm for two hours. They would spend the first hour doing their work, and the next hour playing cards.
When her father-in-law suddenly died at Warud, Jijaji, she and the kids were at a party hosted by the president of the mill. As soon as the sad news came, they got back to the home and were wondering how to get to Sirri, their father-in-law-s hometown. The company sent a driver and a car to their home which fetched them to Wardha by 5 am and three hours later, they were in Sirri.
In Kagaznagar, Jijaji received a letter asking for a large sum in lieu of Manoj who they threatened to kidnap. Every day he walked 2 km to his school. In the evening he would play in the garden. Worried and distraught, Jijaji asked for protection. The company agreed to send all kids to school in a bus, and posted a guard at the garden. Fortunately, nothing happened.
Baroda and Gwalior
Like Government officers, Jiji too would move every few years. She rates days at Kagaznagar as one of the finest, she ever lived- the colony, friends, gardens, Friday films, clubs and parties filled her life with real joy. Shri Dinesh Mills Baroda offered a lucrative post to Jijaji and he decided to say quits to Kagaznagar. She stayed there for three years. Soon after I obtained MD from Nagpur, I went to Baroda and stayed with her for 15 days. I would cycle the entire Baroda city and watched so many movies- among others, Bruce Lee’s Enter the Dragon and Return of the Dragon. I also accompanied Jijaji to Ahmedabad and was after him to buy a mixer for Jiji. She was all joys when she saw the mixer!
I also went to Gwalior to be with her. Infact wherever Jiji went, I followed her like a shadow! In the late seventies and early eighties, she used to write postcard to me, almost a week. How I wish we could have preserved those precious letters. Alas, we have lost them. I also used to reply her promptly, often describing at length my days in the hostel, my feelings and sharing my achievements. Once she wrote me a postcard, and I forgot to reply her promptly. Next week. the postmaster delivered an emotional postcard to my hostel. The postcard read,”If you think that you do not want to reply my letters because your sister is poor, then so be it. I might be poor but I deserved to be replied back. If you some love left for me, you would immediately write me a letter.” Tears streamed down my cheeks as I read the emotional letter, and quickly penned an equally emotional response.
Back to Nagpur
In November 1998, Jijaji came back to Nagpur. He lived with Shyamlalji for a few months, and then rented a house in Bajajnagar where Jiji lived. In 2002, he rented a house from a bank employee in Giripeth where he lived until 2006. Next four years, he moved to Rachana Jheels, Ambazari Garden. Aged 68, he retired from the job because he couldn’t do extensive tours which his job demanded, and his bosses insisted. He told Lad Saheb, his boss at Central Cables, Nagpur that he cannot travel week-long tours now and would be happy to do only office based work. So, he stopped working after 2010, and came back to Indore.
Jijaji’s misplaced pride would often make him resign from his jobs. He was often perceived in the offices as a wronged but highly upright person, who refused to bow down to the diktats of his bosses. Thus, he left one job after another, before deciding to retire and make Indore his final home.
Indore
Between 1987 and 1990, Jiji decided to do a Salwar Suit business from her LIG, Indore flat. Earlier also she used to hire a tailor to make bedsheets and sell them. In addition, she also sold the products of Modicare Company. Although Jijaji didn’t like these works at all, Mamta greatly supported her, as did Manju bhabhi. For four years, she would go to Delhi, every three months, stay with Manju bhabhi and buy salwar suits from the Gandhinagar wholesale market. Nandu babu would weigh the cloth carefully ensuring that they are not overcharged for being overweight. Bai gave her Rs 10 000 once for the business, and Asha used to generously give money too. Also, she used to borrow from Manju Bhabhi who was gracious enough not to remind her that the money was due. She used to market these from home- asking friends, colony members, and relatives to buy salwar suits from them. She supplemented Jijaji’s salary with this business and continued until Mamata’s marriage.
Manoj married Archana on 11 February 1996. He tried his hand with chemicals, partnering with a friend for four years but gave up the business. Prayas Singhi was his school friend and his father liked him. He began to work with him. He wasn’t paid any salary for six months. But Prayas’s father invested the equivalent amount in stocks which grew substantially. On 23 May 2000, Chandaks entered the new home on the first floor of Kanchanhar Enclave. They were the first occupant of the five-floor building, whose builder had turned bankrupt halfway during the construction. Bai in Bhopal then, accompanied Badibai and Jijaji came for the Vastu Pooja. Sakshi, born on 2 October 1998, turned out to be very lucky for the family. Jijaji got a new job at Nagpur and Manoj’s business flourished. On 28 March 2006, he also bought MoneyFacts Consulting Private Limited, a company incorporated on 18 February 2000 by his friend, Prayas Singhi and this step turned the tides for the Chandak family.
Foreign trips
Jiji went to Nepal in 2012. Ashok and bhabhi accompanied Jiji and Jijaji. Two years later, she went to Dubai in 2014 for a week-long package tour. After Madhuri settled in Singapore, Jijaji and she stayed with her for a month, in 2008 and July 2018.
Mamta
Mamta was born on 8 May 1966. Jiji took her last paper on 30 April 1965, and a week later, Mamta, her first daughter, was born at Bachhraj Press home. A nurse delivered her at home and charged Rs 30 as the delivery charges. There was a tussle between Bhaiji and Chhagnlalji when it came to naming Her. Bhaiji liked the name Mrudula and Chhagnlalji wanted her to be named Mamta. Finally, the wishes of the father-in-law prevailed!
Three months later, accompanied by Jijaji, her mother-in-law and father-in-law, Jiji went to Madras. They took GT express from Wardha East station at 3 PM and reached Madras at 9 am. A AC chair car ticket would cost Rs 70; the third class ticket would set the pocket lighter by Rs 30!
A cat moves her kittens seven places. So did Jiji. Mamta went to seven different schools and colleges, before she graduated. Maharashtra, Andhra Pradesh, Gujarat and MP. Here is a list of educational institutes she sampled:
| Class | School |
|---|---|
| KG 1 to 4th Standard | Mount Carmel Convent School, Nagpur |
| 5th and 6th Standard | Saraswati Vidyalaya, Nagpur |
| 6th and 7th Standard | Kasturba Vidya Mandir, Sevagram |
| 8th and 9th Standard | Shishu Mandir, Sirpur Kagaznagar |
| 10th Standard | New English High School, Wardha |
| 11th and 12th Standard | Convent School, Baroda |
| B Sc | New GDC College, Indore |
After B SC Mamta did a course in computers at Indore. Then she served at ECE Indore for a year.
How was the suitable boy for Mamta spotted? Kanta bhabhi and Sharda Chandak went to Shri Ganeshlalji Bhutada, Wardha to pay their respect a day after Diwali. They chanced to see Shyam, his son. Impressed by his charming look, they thought that he would turn out to be the perfect match for Mamta. Nandu babu, Bansi babu and I went to his Thakre Market, Wardha home and saw him. We assessed him the way a potential groom was assessed in Marwadi homes- his looks, skin color, education, conversations, and family background. We liked him. He was polite, articulate and an easy conversationalist. I called Jiji telling her that the boy was just right for Mamta. Jiji was not interested, saying that she doesn’t want her daughter to marry a Wardha boy, because for a married woman it is difficult to switch between Peehar and Sasural in the same city. I requested her to hear me out peacefully and was able to convince her why this boy fits the bill. Convinced, she wasted no time and decided to come to Wardha the next day. Those days, curfew was imposed in the Indore city after 9:30 pm. She quickly packed her suitcase and requested Aalok to book a seat for them in the Indore-Bhopal 9:15 pm bus. They reached Bhopal at midnight and boarded an early morning GT express to arrive at Wardha at noon.
Shyam, and his elder brother, Gopal also had a good look at, and conversations with, Mamta. They mutually liked each other. Engaged in December 1989, her marriage was fixed on 8 May 1990. The marriage at Bachhraj Dharamshala is remembered even today for the out-of-season torrential rains during the ceremony. This was the second of the series of three marriages at Bachhraj Dharamshala, Wardha: In 1986, it was Archana, 1990 belonged to Mamta and 1998 would go to Surendra and Surekha.
Manoj
Born on 11 August 1968, Manoj has the distinction of being the first boy born in Jaishree Bhavan. This was a big, airy house where a dozen cousins would gather for festivals and holidays- laughing, playing, pulling legs of their mamijis and playing pranks on each other. Children played sports, climbed trees, and ran around the house and the garden. Jiji was in Madras and had come to Nagpur where her delivery was planned. She came to Wardha for Teej. Bai requested her to stay back until Raakhi. Traditionally, married and unmarried women worship Lord Shiva and Parvati by observing fast on this day. They also observe a ‘nirjala‘ fast to pray for the long lives of their husbands or get a spouse of their choice. On Teej, as women were doing Pooja in the night, Jiji’s abdomen began to hurt. Bai could sense her pain and almost ran to get a doctor from Matru Seva Sangh, located near Jaishree Bhavan. The doctor examined her and said that she was ripe for delivery. Jiji was fasting all day. Yelakeli Buaji prepared and poured the steaming hot tea in the plate and made her gulp it down. She sat in a rickshaw to go to the hospital. Those days, a lady gynaecologist would charge Rs 75 for a delivery and a nurse would do so for Rs 30. We settled for a nurse. She delivered a baby boy, soon after. Jiji named the boy, Manoj.
She had to stay in the hospital for almost a fortnight, though. Manoj developed diarrhoea soon after birth and Bhaiji asked Bai to keep Jiji in the hospital until his grandson got completely better. When Manoj was born, Bai prepared 11 kg Pedhas from the home milk and distributed them to the friends, neighbours and relatives. Post delivery, Jiji stayed in Wardha for two months. In late October, she went first to Sirri and then to Madras where she would stay for a year before coming back to Nagpur.
Like Mamta, Manoj too went to several schools, in several states.
| Class | School |
|---|---|
| Playgroup | Hindu Gyanpeeth, Dharampeth, Nagpur |
| KG I to 2nd Standard | Mount Carmel Convent School, Nagpur |
| 3-4 Standard | Bishop Cotton School, Nagpur |
| 5-7 Standard | Fatima Convent, Sirpur Kagaznagar |
| 8 Standard | Convent School, Baroda |
| 8 Standard | JC Mills School Gwalior |
| 9-11 Standard | New Look School, Indore |
| B Com | Christian College, Indore |
| CA ( Inter) | Indore |
His marriage proposal came from Nandu babu who saw an ad in the Maheshwari booklet. Archana’s father worked at SBI Delhi; he came to Indore to see and approve Manoj. Pushpa, Jijaji, Mamta and Shyam (they used to live in Delhi then) went to see Archana. Madhu couldn’t make it.
Manoj and Archana looked after me so well when I needed them,” said Jiji. Manoj gets anxious and panics when it comes to my health problems, but after Jijaji’s death, he shouldered the responsibility and began to take extra efforts to me put me at ease. Before my every chemo, he would take me to the Goshala where I would feed grass to the cows,” Jiji recalled. She is all praise for Archana, “Caring for loved one with a serious illness can be challenging and exhausting. She not only learnt about my illness, but spent time with doctors, seeking their appointments, booking rooms for me in the hospital, arranging for my tests and following up with doctors. She understands my needs, quickly identifies what more I might need and brings optimism and hope in my life,” Jiji was short of words to describe how much she appreciated Archana’s love and affection for her.
Madhuri
Madhuri was born on 3 September 1970 in Matru Sewa Sangh Sitabuldi, Nagpur. This was an uncomplicated delivery, as always.
In July 1974, Jiji realized that she had not booked admission for Madhuri in the school. She went to several schools, trying to get her into a school, only to be told that she was too late to try an admission. Mamta was in the third standard at the Mount Carmel School then and her principal told her that her mother should have applied well in advance to secure admission for her second daughter. Jiji didn’t lose her heart. She kept on arguing with the convent sisters how important it was for her both daughters to be in the same school. The school principal sympathetically heard her and suggested she train Madhuri to recall 1-100 and English alphabets. We shall test these abilities and admit her to the school. ” My daughter hasn’t even heard ‘A”- how would she recite these alphabets and numbers,” Pushpa explained her predicament. So, the principal suggested to her the next best solution- she waits for a year, trains her daughter, and comes back not for KG I but for a KG II admission. She won’t lose a year. That year Jiji not only spend time on Madhuri but went thrice to the principal reminding her of her promise. When finally, next March she went to book a seat in KG II, the principal did not test Madhuri. “The very fact you came to me thrice indicated how hard you must have tried to get your daughter for the KG second. I need not test her,” the principal smiled. Jiji breathed a sigh of relief.
Thus, Madhuri bypassed KG I and arrived in KG II at Mount Carmel.
| Class | School |
|---|---|
| KG II to Standard 1 | Mount Carmel School Nagpur |
| 2-4 Standard | Fatima Convent School, Kaghaznagar |
| 5-6 Standard | Sanskar Vidya Vihar, Baroda |
| 7th Standard | Convent School, Gwalior |
| 8-9 Standard | New Look School, Indore |
| 10-12 Standard | Christian Eminent Higher Secondary School, Indore |
| B Com | Gujarati College, Indore |
Subsequently, Madhuri went to the schools in Kagaznagar, Baroda, Gwalior and Indore before graduating in Commerce. She had set her eyes on postgraduation when her marriage was fixed. The marriage took a priority over postgraduation and she didn’t pursue it further.
Shri Madanlaji Kothari had gone to Mumbai to see a suitable boy for his niece. He chanced to see Mr Gajendra Rathi, an engineer, who hailed from Dhamangaon. He had come to Wardha to see Mamta’s nanand. However, the proposal failed to materialise. He wanted an English speaking girl and the two saw each other in Jaishree Bhavan. Madhuri fit the bill. Ashok babu and Jijaji went to Mumbai to see him; Jijaji approved his future son-in-law.
She was engaged in Wardha. Neither Mamta nor Manoj could attend the function. Manoj was visibly angry and refused to take the calls. ” You should have waited for me for a day,” he reasoned. The anger did not last long. On 15 February 1994, she married Gajendra at Dhamangaon. She was 23. Little did she know that one day she would settle in Singapore!
Mugdha
Born on 30 September 1978 at Kagaznagar, at age 2, Mugdha- we call her Tina- was found to have a hole in the partition wall of her heart- a small ventricular septal defect. She used to long coughs during winters, and a doctor heard a murmur when he put his stethoscope over her heart. He hinted that this could be a heart problem. They needed to see a cardiologist. We took her to Dr Uday Mahurkar, Cardiologist at Dhantoli, Nagpur who did an echo on her and confirmed the diagnosis. Later I took her to Dr Ashwin Mehta, the famous cardiologist at Mumbai. Dr Aziz Khan and Dr Kishore Kedar, both famous cardiologists now, were my classmates and they helped us in getting his appointment- not an easy task those days. He told that the hole might close of its own or remain just the same. It might not need any medicine or operation. As predicted, the hole in the heart has caused no problem.
| Class | School |
|---|---|
| Nursery | Baroda |
| KG I | Convent School, Gwalior |
| KG II to 7th Standard | Christian Eminent Higher Secondary School, Indore |
| 8th Standard | Little Angels Convent Higher Secondary School, Kohefiza, Bhopal |
| 9-12 Standard | Christian Eminent Higher Secondary School, Indore |
Tina went to schools in Baroda, Gwalior, Bhopal and Indore. She took private tuitions in Indore for her college courses. Finally, she gave up. Jiji had sent her to Nandu babu in Delhi where she did a a year-long diploma in textiles.
Her marriage proposal came from our Masaji– Radhakishanji Bhutada, Nanded. The Totla family from Parli Vaijnath came to Pune to see Tina at Mamta’s place. Ashok, Masaji and Jijaji went to see Nilesh. The marriage took place in February 2007 at Aurangabad.
Jijaji
Jiji did a 55-year-long journey with Jijaji- from 1965 to 2020. These five-and-half decades were filled with love, affection, hard work, struggles, lows and high, fears and angers, accusations and admirations, griefs and celebrations, hopes and dreams. Jiji was a perfect counterfoil to Jijaji– Jijaji was short-tempered and impulsive; Jiji was cool and balanced. As a marketing man, Jijaji had to do extensive tours all over country. Jiji looked after home and children. She played a perfect host- the very reasons why her devars and their children are so much attached to her. Jiji fought very hard to add extra income to the family; didn’t mind her days when there was little or no money and endured hardships that came along the way. As they created a home in several places- Madras, Nagpur, Kagaznagar, Baroda, Gwalior, and Indore, Jiji not only adjusted to the new surroundings but also encouraged Jijaji.
Jijaji came back to Indore in 2010. He had decided to retire completely now- no more service or business. In 2012, he underwent an operation in Indore for his prostate cancer. The prostate lay silent and did not trouble him all his life. In 2017, he developed angina. He called me and told me the health problems he was facing. He always trusted me and whenever he ran into any health issue, the first doctor to approach was me. Somehow, my advices worked for him, the reason he believed strongly in my prescriptions. He had high BP and diabetes too, and I had planned his treatment to control his BP and sugar. I asked him to get a stress test and an angiogram immediately. The angiogram showed triple vessel disease. We arranged for his coronary artery bypass surgery at Indore. The operation was successful.
On letting Go
On 25 December 2019 Jiji and Jijaji went to Pune to participate in Sarang’s engagement ceremony. They went to Sharda’s home where he fell down, hurt himself, and bled from his nose. He also became breathless. Jiji called Mamta who suggested that they’d see the doctor the next day- on Monday morning. He began to hallucinate, telling Jiji that ” I have acquired a company for Rs 37 000 and “I have brought your stitched blouse from the taylors shop at Rs 320.” On 2 January he was admitted to the Jupiter Hospital Pune where he stayed for a week. He was found to have severe hyponatremia (low sodium levels) that needed continuous sodium infusion. His lungs began to fail and he was put on mechanical ventilator. I went to see him at the Jupiter on 6 January and discussed the case with Dr Vaishali Solao, the intensivist, also my student. I also went to Mamta’s home and spent some time with Jiji, Shyam, Mamta, Tina, Nilesh and Sarang.
Next day, she overheard the local doctor telling Aalok and Manoj that if they wished, they could shift Jijaji to a smaller nursing home because the hospital bills were mounting. They told the doctor not to worry about money. Jiji got an inkling that Jijaji was pretty serious and might not survive longer. She could size up the ominous nature of illness quite accurately. She knew that he was dying and she acknowledged it. On Thursday evening the family, children, son-in-law and Manoj sat together and decided that they would take Jijaji off the mechanical ventilator Friday morning. His health was beyond salvage and his days were numbered. Jiji was a picture of courage and calmness and agreed that there was no point in torturing the body and we should let him go. She was calm and composed and accepted the destiny. There was no visible anger, fear, blaming or cry. She had struggled for decades and these hardships had helped her take the unexpected events in life with equanimity. Jijaji passed away in the hospital before the ventilator could be withdrawn- on 9 January.
Although Jiji couldn’t overrule the family decision to the 13-day ritual after Jijaji’s death, she insisted that no Sikh, gift or sweets would be offered to the family members who came to mourn the death. It seems she had inherited these unorthodox qualities from Bhaiji who was equally adamant in not observing the rituals.
Cancer
On 27 November 2018, Jiji came to Bhopal to participate in Anand’s 25th wedding anniversary. She returned to Indore on 30 November. Until December 2, she was perfectly all right. On December 3, she felt tired from her daily 4 km walk and told her colleagues- all junior to her- to return back halfway through. She also chose to just see her friends doing Yoga on the ground instead of doing her hour-long session with them. On December 6, she began to get abdominal pain, distension and vomiting. Two days later, she called me in the afternoon – I was giving MD exams at PGI Chandigarh and therefore could not receive her call. I returned her call in the evening and listened to the story. Alarm bells started ringing in my mind and I asked her to get an urgent ultrasound.
Next morning, on 8 December 2018, she got her Ultrasound from Shalby hospital, Indore. The scan showed epithelial carcinoma of ovary (T3 C, No, Mo). Manoj consulted Dr Ashish Bhandari (pathologist and Manju’s husband) who wondered if she had TB. They decided to repeat the ultrasound from the same hospital. The second ultrasound was no different. Her CA 125 levels, a marker of cancer ovary, were very high. The cancer diagnosis was confirmed.
Jiji was shattered. It was only in September 2018, that she had obtained her ultrasound which was reported completely normal. The entire sequence of events took place within a matter of days. How could cancer spread so fast? Or did the first radiologist miss her cancer?
Many tears were shed on the day cancer was discovered.
She went through surgery by Dr Srivastava at CH Apollo Hospital on 15 February 2019 following three cycles of chemotherapy [carboplatin with paclitaxel]. The onco surgeon removed her uterus, tubes ovaries, lymph nodes and the outer lining of the abdomen. She stood the surgery well. Following surgery, she also received three cycles of carboplatin with paclitaxel. She stood the chemotherapy well. The cancer had settled but her leg nerves took a blow- causing persistent tingling in feet and toes. She also lost some hair but didn’t hide her hair loss by wearing a wig. She handled the cancer with poise.
Until February 2022, she was free from cancer. The tumour shrank. Her pains eased. She responded very well to the treatment.
In February 2022, she began to vomit again- this time at the Bhopal station as she was coming to Wardha with Badibai. Badibai and Jiji were gracious enough to come to Wardha, despite their age and ill health, to settle the family disputes between the brothers. On 16 february, the four brothers and the two sisters went to the court and got a decree from the session judge. The two sisters and Aalok played a big role in achieving the impossible.
Three days later, we got her ultrasound at Sevagram only to find that the cancer had come back. We took off some fluid from her peritoneum- it also showed cancer cells. Despite initial treatment (operation and chemotherapy), she was found to have recurrence of the disease: fluid in abdomen and markedly elevated CA 125 levels. She enjoyed relief from cancer for about 30 months. The time had come to do a second session of chemotherapy. We decided to do chemotherapy from Indore. The next day, she went back, with Badibai and Jijaji.
Between 25 February 2022 and 21 July 2022, she went through six cycles of chemotherapy at Indore. I also obtained opinion from the Tata Memorial Hospital, Mumbai and went to Indore to discuss chemotherapy with Dr Rakesh Taran -her oncologist. A picture of courage and calmness, she endured all sessions with remarkable tranquility.
Aalok was a pillar of strength to Jiji all through her illness. He was a friend, philosopher and a guide to her- talking with doctors, getting her diagnostic tests done, seeing her through operations, standing by her during chemotherapy and visiting her at home. More than anyone else, Jiji trusted him, and his soothing words and reassuring gestures would help her cope with the illness. “Call me at the oddest hour, and I shall be there,” Alok would tell her on each visit. “I am so lucky to be surrounded by my children, daughter-in-law, Archana, Anand, Aalok and Amit, Kirti, Sumita and Pratibha. I have no words for badibai and Jijaji. Their never ending love keeps me going,” she said during one of my long conversations with her in Sevagram.
Jiji loves long walks and Yoga. Her mornings start with the 45-minute Yoga session. I saw her taking a km- long- walk in Sevagram every morning, a walk that brought energy in her body and mind. When I suggested that we needed no ultrasounds or scans to know how her cancer is progressing, she readily agreed to my suggestion. Not one to brood over her cancer, she takes the things as they come.
” I struggled all my life. Most of my life, we were short of funds. Every few years, we would shift to a new city or a new flat. And yet, I never gave up. I worked very hard to make both ends meet and ensured that my children are well settled. Now a days, I take things as they come. I do not judge people- I simply go, love them and live with them. I have acquired the art of forgiving and forgetting,” Jiji told me on 21 November 2022 at Sevagram.
True. Like a river that flows at its own rhythm, Jiji is simply letting her life flow. Smoothly and effortlessly. And surrounded by love, she is enjoying every moment that comes her way. The reason why she loves to meet people, talk with them, laugh with them and play with them. Her capacity to love and ability to forgive needs to be felt.
So, this is our Jiji. I am so happy that during her four-week long Sevagram stay this winter, I was able to have such long conversations with her. We went down memory lane, recollected the past, shared anecdotes and laughed merrily. And as she spoke, I scribbled our conversations on paper before typing the text on my desktop. I am glad, I did it.
